reviews

Rainbow Arabia comes out with a great album. Yay! It's only 5 songs. Boo! Every song on there is like having sex with a million glazed donuts. Yay! They played Noise Pop here in SF. Yay, yay! They played at the Apple store in Union Sq. Boo, boo! They have an awesome new video where a werewolf mother line dances with grocery store patrons and her werewolf baby. Yay, yay, yay! The track is titled Omar K, K? Yay? Yay!

Lemonhead(s)! This isn't so much a review of the new volcano video, as it is a proverbial tippage of my breakfast 40. If you haven't heard already, Obama consults these guys on pretty much everything, so rest assured, we're gonna be alright. Alright? Now go "punch a dude in the face in the middle of our meeting."

I'm about a month behind on this track, mostly because this track brings me to tears everytime I listen to it. Sad, sad song. And I obviously can't type while I'm weeping. Tears of joy are in there too as it's been a while since I've seen/heard the real doom (apparently he's dropped the MF, but not the metal face). That's That finds Doom in his old surgical stomping grounds, namely performing the ever popular "rectal hysterectomy." He also oversees "cornish hens switching positions" and once and for all finishes the line "she's the bees knees" with "for cheese", something I've been waiting for an emcee to do my whole life.

But let's get back to the sadness (a ninja stole into my room like the wind and stole my only thesaurus so I'll be using the word "sadness" until my ninja in the night returns my thesaurus). This track is about every guy (and gal if you feminazis insist) who's ever been strectched too far but is making it. It's about longing, cornish hens, diseases, poor men sworn in and cow dung. Doom is astute enough to see the sadness of stale ginger and just how bad it lingers. If this isn't a short list of grief-inducing items, then I guess I've never known grief, which is weird 'cause I cry myself to sleep every night.

He could be singing a sad, sad love song, but maybe he's just rhyming. Impossible. Now I'm gonna go wash my mouth out with dirty bath water and douse my thoughts with Drain-O. The new Doom album Born Like This comes out this Tuesday.

For once I got to a show on time and by "on time" I mean I missed the opening bands. Hacienda? Those Darlins? When you start a band, and you know you're gonna suck, do you choose a band name accordingly? I have never in my life heard of an opening band having a good name(that's a lie, but my reviews are predicated on hyperboles) and I've been alive for 82 years now.

So I strolled into Bimbo's (I usually stroll, I seldom walk), went to the bar, bought a $6 bottle of Amstel Light (gotta watch those carbs) and as soon as I walked into the ball room the bearded man (not clam), had just started in on Trouble Weighs a Ton. Now my mom told me never to trust a man wearing a short silk tie and a leather vest, but I had to get closer to the stage as Bimbo's is the only venue in San Francisco where the sound man isn't actually trying to make your ear drums bleed and squeal for 3 days.

The crowd was mostly college aged douche with a smidgeon of old and a mix of bearded chaps. When Auerbach got on his high horse and started playing songs for alpha males, the crowd looked like they were all listening to House of Pain's Jump Around. Lots of that Arsenio Hall thing going on too with the circular motion of the raised fist.

But the music. When it was good it was good and when it was bad it made me feel like I was at a weekend resort in the Bajama's enjoying(?) a concert on the beach sponsored by Corona after a long day of being bustled from one seminar to the next on how to increase profit margins for my fledgling online office supply company. He played every song from his album which was pleasing as I don't much care for surprises (since the recession and 9/11 and all). That dirty track Street Walkin' was dirty as dirty could be as he played it a little faster (if I actually knew anything about music I'd say something about how he played it in 4/4 time or something). But the songs he played that weren't from the Keep it Hid album just fell flat (those are the Corona sponsored beach songs I was talking about). Which brings me to my prediction of Dan Auerbach's second album: It will suck. Unless someone back in Dayton informs him that he's headed more towards the beach resort genre opposed to the more desired and respected Tom Waits soundalike genre.

p.s. Hey Dan, chill out on the tour bus. That thing was waaaay toooo big for your 2 guitars. I don't think a metaphor exists that could aptly make fun of the largess that was your tour bus/train.

Here's the track Street Walkin' from Keep it Hid.
Do us all a favor and go by the album

Check out some shitty pics below! It's almost like being there, if you were deaf and unable to focus your eyes.